Young World – March 2013
“Queens Raise Kings”
The 21st century family structure is more complex and diverse than anyone could
have ever imagined. The standard image of mom, dad and 2.25 kids is fleeting and
nearly non-existent. Instead, the more common image is that of 2.25 parents for every
family. Step-parents, live-in “friends” of single parents, grandparents serving as parents,
foster parents, “uncle daddy”, “auntie momma” and 17-year old high school students
who live on their own all contribute to the varied visualization that we know today as
"The Family".
Earlier Young World columns have made mention of the value of the family. The
most recent articles particularly focused on dad’s role in child development; but what
about the scenarios where dad is invisible, unavailable or absolutely unworthy? Whether
he is in the house or out of the picture, an absentee father necessitates a super-strong
mother. Of great concern in this picture is the little boy who must now learn how to be a
man from his mother. Many will say that “A woman can’t teach a boy to be a man”, and I
agree. That however, is a very different statement from “a woman can’t raise a boy to be
a man”. I believe the latter to be absolutely false. As a matter of fact, I personally contradict
that statement.
I am the product of a single-parent household. My brother, sister and I were
raised by my mother who worked rotating shifts in a manufacturing environment to
keep us fed, warm and clothed. I dare not say that our life was easy or that we were well-
off. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite was true. We lived as minimally as possible,
but there was always love. In all honesty, it is in retrospect (looking back at my youth)
that I realize how little we actually had. I guess I was blessed in that I was poor and
didn't really know it.
I thank my mother for that. My father’s absence did not mean that there was a
lack of discipline. My mother didn’t go out of her way to give us material things out of
guilt that dad was not in the house. But there again, this was over 30 years ago. Today’s
single mothers work hard to shower kids with material things; designer clothes, $120
sneakers, video games, expensive cell phones and music devices.
My question is, “Why?” Mom, what is it you hope to teach your son by giving him
all that he asks for, despite the sacrifice you have to make when he is willing to sacrifice
nothing? Son do you, for a moment, think about what your mother endures to provide
for you?
It is every mother’s dream to raise a son who achieves great things and brings
honor to his family name. By the same token, it is every son’s dream to make his mother
burst with pride at the accomplishments of her baby boy. One quick glance can easily
confirm this. Mothers scrutinize and interrogate young ladies before giving the “thumbs
up” or “thumbs down” about any type of relationship with their sons; we won’t even get
into the exercises necessary to be considered as a daughter-in-law. Sideline cameras and
post-game interviews record millions of sound-bytes from men and boys who give
“shout outs” to mama during the big game or after a good competition.
Mothers wield an un-explainable captivity over their little boys, similar to the
un-explainable relationship between the moon and the ocean. They are connected by
unseen ties. Over time, those ties become stronger or weaker based on the severity of
the pull in opposite directions. Moms may develop stronger relationships with careers,
deeper bonds with new husbands, become more emotionally attached to friends or other
children. Sons may be drawn into sports, new social circles, teen scenes (where parents
aren’t invited) or relationships. Any one of these pulls on either end can upset the lunar/
emotional balance between mother and son. Family chaos is certain when any number
of these distractions occur simultaneously.
I acknowledge all that mothers (single, married or other) do in the development
of dependent little boys into strong confident men. And, to the “SuperMom” trying to be
both father and mother, I invite you to take off your cape. Your motherly instincts will
let you know when & who to turn to for help in raising your son. It is okay to rule your
house with an iron fist, but only IF you also rule with a heart as big as Texas. If you
desire to raise your young prince to be a great king, you must first be the Queen of your
home – not just by title, but by the respect your very presence commands. Live with
honor, work with pride, love with all of your heart. Show your son what each of these
character traits mean. Explain it so that it is abundantly clear. And if at any time he
forgets what they mean, he needs only to look at the way you live your life as a reminder.
To the young man reading this article hoping that one day dad is going to come
back home, I urge you not to look through your mom while you are looking at the front
door. There most certainly are things that your mother can help you through if you only
trust her. And, as much as he pretends to know, dad will never be able to help you
understand how women think. The bible tells children to “Honor thy mother and father
that your days may be long upon the earth”. The “long days” involves more than physical
days of life, but also the legacy you leave behind. The court jester is only worthy of
discussion while he is entertaining. However, the young prince who becomes a great
King leaves much to be spoken of. Son, hear your mothers words, know her expectations
for you and work to never disappoint her.
Langston Hughes’ words in the poem “Mother To Son” always seem to leap off
the page at me because it feels like he was writing about me years before my birth. I
need only to look within myself and think back from whence I have come to realize that
I owe my mother a HUGE debt of gratitude and never-ending hugs & kisses. I thank her
daily in my prayers, but probably not often enough with my mouth. As a matter of fact,
I think I’ll call her now to tell her I that I Love Her!
Columnist Chris Dinkins is an educator and native South Carolinian. His viewpoint is based on personal, classroom and volunteer experiences. Send questions and comments about youth related issues to him at youngworld.scarolina@gmail.com.
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